Last Thursday, SUPD was called in to the Roble Package Center to investigate a worrying package that had been marked for investigation by the package center workers. The package aroused suspicion after its only noticeable marking was a card that said, “Don’t open it right away… there’s a special surprise inside.” Package Center agent Carl Morton immediately notified his supervisors, creating the commotion that caused the police to be called out.

For sophomore Erin Miller, whose mother was revealed to be the culprit behind the package of a box of Samoas and a Word of the Day calendar, this only continues the mortifying trend of developments that her mother has caused at Stanford. “I mean, last year, there was the whole furor when SUPD intercepted calls she kept making to say she was going to hunt me down and find me. She was talking about Parents’ Weekend, goddamnit, because I always try to avoid her. She keeps doing this to me.”

Miller’s mother has been inadvertently behind every major callout over the last year, ranging from when the Stanford Fire Department to investigate something ‘so hot it’ll burn down the whole damn East Campus’, which turned out to be Erin, to when the Vice team was called in to investigate ‘the girl putting all the boys to sleep’, which was also Erin. However, Miller’s mother insists she will not change her behavior, saying, “I just want her to know I care. Is that so wrong?”

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