Following a trip to the Trancos laundry room last Thursday, sophomore David Siegelman was shocked to discover that his supply of Tide Pods was dangerously lacking. “Uh oh.” Siegelman reportedly uttered to himself after calculating that he could handle just two more loads of laundry with the current amount of detergent available to him. Siegelman, a relative novice in the field of laundry-doing, was later quoted as saying “I really should have bought the extra-large bag from CVS, it’s only fall quarter.” Amidst a period of head shaking and overall fretting about the impact this would have on his day.

Sources close to Siegelman speculate that he had previously been planning on not purchasing any Tide Pods for at least two more weeks, the time at which he’d expected his supply of shaving cream to run out. However, after evaluating the state of his bath towel and disturbingly empty t-shirt drawer, Siegelman concluded that he would have to “bite the bullet and stop by TressX” following his Thinking Matters section. “Hey I may be a little late to dinner tonight, can you save me a spot?” Siegelman reportedly text messaged his roommate, Kyle Nguyen. Nguyen later admitted to reporters that he had been secretively using Siegelman’s Tide Pods for his own clothes washing purposes, with no intentions of informing Sieglelman of the fact.

As of press time, Siegelman was seen walking home in the rain and muttering, “I think I’ll get the Pure Value pods this time around, they’re a little cheaper.”

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