Austin Mckenton was tragically killed during Frost this past weekend as a Predator missile locked onto his position following his coy declaration that he “had to take a leak”, utterly annihilating him. Friends nearby reported that moments before his death, Austin had recognized that the conversation topic was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. This discomfort prompted Austin to politely dismiss himself from the conversation, at which point he was obliterated by a missile launched from an unmanned drone flying overhead.

“All said, he did a fairly admirable job extricating himself from the conversation,” said Shen Li, one of Austin’s closer friends. “I mean, discussing his freshman-year crush’s most recent fling was honestly kind of uncalled for, and he really did his best trying to play it cool and walk it off. But man, that missile fucking destroyed his lame-ass excuse to leave.” Others present at the scene had mixed impressions of Austin’s ability to keep it together prior to his untimely demise, but all agreed that at the end of the day, the airstrike was a clear winner.

“There’s just no comparison,” said a total bystander. “He even did this pathetic little limp as he walked away. And when you compare that to how freaking baller that missile was when it just dropped down and crushed it, creating a 10-foot crater in front of the Curry-Up Now food truck? Fucking classic.”

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