Gone are the days of looking outside to see the horrors of nature. Long forgotten are the times of having to read to see what our fellow man is creating or destroying. The era of artificial existence is inevitable, and we are all a part of it. You might be thinking, “Reviewer, reviewer, what are you talking about?” Let me tell you, reader. This reviewer was asked to give his opinions on the horrible, bad window we call “TeleVision.” It seems innocent at first, but we have come to put this window on a pedestal and then use it to peer into the gangrenous core of society.

TVision (short for TeleVision) does not stop and yet does not move. It is the maw through which we crawl in order to view our collective excesses.  In order to review this bad window, I had to go to a horrible building named “Best Buy” in a vile place called “Mall.” Immediately upon walking in, one of the “Best Buy” natives, a man wearing a blue shirt inside of his tan pants, greeted me. Lead me to your TVisions, I said. He obliged, not hesitating to ruin my day.

The TeleVisions lined a wall, all displaying the same thing: a performing group called QVC. In order to watch TeleVision, the operator must stand while rewatching the same 5 minute clip of QVC. Over and over. “This is a 200 dollar value, that we’re selling for 40!” they would screech. I stayed for the next 8 hours, standing and watching, losing touch with myself. At 8PM, a different Best Buy native told me that I must leave. “Thank you,” I whispered.

Overall, TeleVision was one of the worst experiences of this reviewer’s life. If I were allowed to give a negative rating out of 5, I would do so. “But then, would the scale max out at -5?” asked my editor. No. It would max out at -10.

TeleVision: -10/5

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…