Report: Everyone You Went to High School With Is Gay Now

October 12, 2015 12:00 pm
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Report: Everyone You Went to High School With Is Gay Now

In a recent finding, it has been discovered that everyone you attended high school with is gay now. While it began with one or two people, the number of your high school peers who have declared that they are gay has climbed over the past year until every person in your entire high school class had come out of the closet.

“Attending college is often a time when young people begin to realize who they truly are, and many times this can lead to the realization that they are attracted to members of the same sex,” said Professor Jamie Nables of the University of South Dakota in a telephone interview. “While statistically improbable, it just so happens that every person you attended high school with has discovered that they are in fact homosexual.”

“Yeah it’s true,” said the guy that sat behind you in Algebra 1 junior year, “coming to college really is the time when I realized I was gay; it’s just who I always was, really.”

“I am also gay,” said another one of your previous classmates when interviewed.  As of press time, although not everyone who attended your high school could be reached for contact, sources indicate that they, likewise, are also gay and much happier now.