“It was obvious even from move in day,” explained Cedro freshman Annelise B. “Katie is the hot RA. The one every guy in the dorm has a crush on.” Further investigations have only confirmed this statement. “I would totally ‘cross the line’ with her….I think” said another resident who still wasn’t quite sure what that event entailed.
Katie’s seductive pull on the residents of Cedro, is only matched by that of the positively hunky Cedro RA, Kyle. Insider sources have reported that Kyle’s on-call activities pull an unprecedented amount of the female residents to his room, all just barely containing wistful sighs as they quietly realize his unattainability. “I didn’t even know what Catan was before I came to campus,” confided one Laura N, “but now I make sure to show up to every single one of Kyle’s game nights.”
As the two attractive staff members continue about their business, totally unaware of their own sexual mystique, the dorm’s frosh have quietly come to the only reasonable conclusion: they are totally going to bang.
The only question remaining is when. “I’m pretty sure that Katie actually has a boyfriend right now, but he’s a grad student and he mostly keeps to himself,” said one Courtney Q. “I just want to say to her ‘girl, that’s not a sustainable relationship and you know it’. It’s only a matter of time before that falls apart and she runs into Kyle’s willing and toned arms.”
At press time, eighty-two plates have clattered to the floor in Wilbur Dining as Katie and Kyle bumped elbows in the omelet line. (Engel)

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…

National Suicide Rates Jump as Inception Spurs the Nation to Think

LOS ANGELES, Calif.—A new and alarming study has found that suicide rates…