It has been confirmed that a number of students have been using the downpour as an opportunity to camouflage pissing themselves over the past week. This phenomenon was uncovered by Flipside investigators who observed that while the seats of many pant were soaked through, bike seats were no longer wet at all.

One of the confirmed perpetrators commented, “I thought I could get away with it. I’m just so busy with midterms I can’t afford to waste time going to the bathroom, so I just pee on the way to class.” For obvious reasons, this student preferred to remain nameless.

The best way to protect yourselves from interacting with these walking toilets is to inspect their backsides. If the moist area is generally shaped like the outline of a bike seat and smells like dew and springtime, you are most likely safe. If, however, the area is question is shaped more like a splotch and spreads down their legs, and/or smells like sewage, beware. It’s just a small difference between peeing yourself and shitting your pants, and you definitely don’t want to be caught dead next to the latter.

There likely will be a decline in the number of cases of pants-wetting as the rainy season comes to a close, but always remember to be vigilant and check the forecast.

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