As a freshman who recently completed the draw process for the first time, I was excited to find out where I would be living next year. Do I get to stay with my freshman year friends? Do I get to make friends with new people? Anxious to finish the draw process as quickly as possible, I submitted the form and forgot about it until last week.

As it turns out, when I naively checked that box saying “I will accept any housing,” I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Even with newly opened on-campus housing options for all the incoming students, Stanford quickly ran out of living spaces for students like me. As draw number 2997, I found myself drawing into the local county jail.

Even though Santa Clara County Jail has an admittedly cute theme of “KilamanJailro,” it’s really not a nice place to be. Sure, I have a decently spacious one-room double with a bathroom, but the meal plan options suck, and also I can’t leave by federal mandate. The RF-warden and staff are really strict, too; they always want to know where I am, and they are not cool with me leaving my room of my own volition. Also, I thought two-step authentication was horrible, right until I learned what I’d have to do to get back into my room after a day of class — 7 digits of authentication AND a full-body cavity search. No thanks!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pick up my dorm swag – I opted for the swastika tattoo. I personally wanted the windbreakers, but you can’t always get everything you want.

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