Recent reports indicate that Kim Jong Un, leader of North Korea, portly physique half-melting like the visage of a saddened and upturned pudding, has recently recovered from the illnesses that have rendered him invisible for over a month. Kim was seen touring the newly built Wisong Scientists Residential District, his one gout-ridden leg dragging behind him with the dreck of a life poorly-led. Kim was seen smiling broadly and supporting himself with a walking stick during the tour, and this would seem to indicate that he intends to retake his position as the figurehead of the North Korean regime.

Kim, who trailed behind him the sad, gently wafting odor of his husk-like corpse, had been shown overweight and limping, prompting the South Korean media to speculate he had undergone surgery on his ankles. His ankles, which remain short, stubby protrusions carried afloat by the back-breaking labor of the masses, are in perfect condition, however, according to North Korean media. While many are privately worried about the state of Kim’s health, Kim himself, he whose decrepit and age-worn facemask contains the sorrows of a thousand hauntings, was ebullient, insisting that he was in peak condition.

South Korean analysts are skeptical, saying that Kim simply wants to maintain a modicum of self-control over his population and assume the image of a man triumphing over pain, the pain being his weathered and brow-beaten, jellied limbs, full of viscous pus and tarnished virtue. Clearly, Kim wishes to re-establish his powerful self-image and hide the traces of the horrifying and deeply ingrained sadness that seeps through his bones. Kim, his soul quietly weeping at its own dark recesses, intends to visit further scientific centers in the coming weeks.

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