As fall quarter midterms exact their toll on exhausted pupils, the Stanford community is once again reminded how entire groups of students, accustomed to being exceptional for the last four years, must suddenly come to terms with the feeling of being average. “I think it’s a very difficult transition for me personally because I’ve spent four years being on top and now, out of nowhere, I am squarely in the middle of the pack relative to my peers,” one student admitted.  “Having spent the past four years excelling in AP classes and appearing in BCS bowl games, it is hard to find satisfaction with my B- in Math 51 or my potential December matchup in the Sun Bowl.”

“What a lot of students don’t realize is the prevalence of Duck Syndrome,” one administrator explained.  “You tend to think you are the only one struggling, but it turns out a lot of people are stressed about their academic life and a lot of people aren’t as good as the Oregon Ducks.”

“I think it is great that the Stanford community has a lot of resources for easing this sort of transition,” one hopeful student said.  “There are plenty of things to do on campus to take my mind off my struggles, and I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that a B+ research paper or a sub-0.500 conference record aren’t the end of the world.”

At press time, many students acknowledged that their preferred coping mechanism of pounding their head into a wall – straight ahead and in the exact same spot every time – may not be the most productive way of dealing with their newfound mediocrity.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…