Area 51 Beetle Thinks There is Nothing Strange Going On

May 27, 2014 12:00 pm
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Area 51 Beetle Thinks There is Nothing Strange Going On

Despite the rampant rumors of strange goings on inside Area 51, the US Military Base in the middle of the desert- from alien autopsies to paranormal research- a beetle who works on site in the area believes nothing could be further from the truth. “Frankly I think it’s a little silly. We’re all normal people like you, trying to make a living,” Said the beetle dismissively, scratching his carapace. “There are some military secrets, of course, like new experimental aircrafts, but that’s nothing to get excited about. Me, I’m a family beetle. I work to put food on the table for the missus and my kids.”

The beetle also categorically denied the allegations that any genetic experiments were happening in the area. “People will believe what they want to believe, but I’m here to tell you that these rumors of splicing human DNA into things like vegetables and bugs- well that’s just crazy. Anyone with even a high school understanding of genetics and DNA can tell you that that is flat out impossible.” The beetle explained that from his perspective, the rumors are ridiculous, but he doesn’t mean to dismiss the concerns of others. “I know it’s hard to believe, but the government really does have our best interests at heart.” The rumors can be a source of humor to those who work in Area 51, but they can also become tiresome very quickly. “It bothers me sometimes, that people are so thoughtlessly aggressive towards my work. It’s groundless rumor mongering, the conspiracy mill at work.”

At the end of the day, the beetle reminds us, it’s important to remember that at the heart of “mysteries” like Area 51, there are people and insects just like you. “That said,” he confided, “maybe you should ask the potatoes. They’re pretty shifty, and they have a higher security clearance than I do.”

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