Stating that last Saturday’s frat party was the perfect combination of “chill,” “crunk,” and “ham,” brothers of the Sigma Chi fraternity have declared Graffiti Party – named for the misdemeanor form of vandalism – to be their most successful lesser-crime-themed party in years.
“I think people came to Graffiti Party a lot more excited, inspired, and ready to rage than they were at Disorderly Conduct Party last year,” sophomore Bobby Travers said as he cleaned the liquidly pools of beer, sweat, and vomit off the floor. “And don’t even get me started about Reckless Driving Party. What a disaster.”
Before deciding on graffiti, Sigma Chi allegedly considered the idea of a Petty Theft Party, but realized it might inspire partygoers to steal red cups, toilet paper, and open kitchen food from the fraternity. Similarly, the theme of possession of marijuana without intent to sell was also debated, but Sigma Chi ultimately decided to save that idea for an in-house party later in the quarter.
“You got to be really careful not to step on anyone’s toes with these party themes,” a Sigma Chi pledge admitted between fifths, “For instance, a Simple Assault Party might not send the right message to some people, and we didn’t want to steal Public Intoxication Party from SAE. We know that’s their thing.”
As of press time, hundreds of freshmen had highlighter penises drawn on that hard-to-wash spot on their backs.
