At midnight on Wednesday, January 1st, millions of people across the country, tuned in to watch 2014’s balls drop. A staple of New Year’s Eve celebrations, watching the balls drop from Times Square in New York instills in viewers a strong sense of American pride. The potent sight stirs nostalgia in men, and gives children a new goal to look forward to. Across the nation, young boys whisper in unison, “This is it. This is my year.”
Bystanders agree that everything appeared to proceed perfectly on schedule, but the year itself confided early on December 31st that things were starting a bit too late for his liking. “I mean, all my other friends had their balls drop already” 2014 told us, “2011, 2012, and even 2013 had done it. The doctor said it’s natural, because they’re older, but I just wanted it to happen already, you know?”
Regardless, viewers noticed no delay, and every critic gave the event rave reviews. “I’m just so proud,” said Sharlene Davidson, a local mother who watched with her husband and two children. “There was all this tension leading up to the event, but now things are relaxed and just hanging low. Both my kids loved it; my son couldn’t keep his eyes off the TV, and, even though my daughter was sort of freaked out at first, she got around to taking a big interest in it. Really, it was good, clean, American fun.”
Rumors swirl that 2014’s voice has already started to crack, but that this won’t interfere with preparations for his bar mitzvah in February. The year says he now can’t wait to get back home and show pictures of his balls dropping to his friends. As of press time, 2015 was shuffling uncomfortably in the corner.