We here at the Flipside are privileged to present, in full, the very first article published in the BuzzFeed periodical magazine, on Nov 25th, 1963.  We can still see even today the traces of BuzzFeed’s inimitable journalistic style in this, its very first attempt to conquer the market of poorly thought-out opinions. Presented is that very piece, as it appeared in print to ease the concerns of a worried populace.

  • No more Bahston accents in the White House.

Guess you should have pahked the cahr, Johnny.

  • The President was in Dallas

Dallas? Seriously? The Albany of Texas?

  • They seated Kennedy and his wife together.

Basic etiquette guys, it goes boy-boy/girl-girl.

  • They were riding in a Lincoln

Lincoln? Seriously? The Hyundai of America?

  • No trial for Oswald

Oh, you mean I can’t live out my Law and Order fantasies, JFK.

  • Blood all over Jackie Onassis’s dress.

Vera Wang, more like Vera Bang, am I right?

  • Jackie’s ugly dress.

Pink is not a cute color. Step it up, gurl.

  • Only one death.

If Scandal’s taught me anything, it ain’t an issue until there’s three bodies on the ground.

  • They messed up his beautiful hair.

My body is ready, Mr. President

  • In the end, it made us sad.

And isn’t that what a bummer really means.

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