From the moment their wheels collided, they knew it had to be fate.

With a nostalgic gleam in her eye, junior Allison Gauge recounts a memory close to her heart that almost all Stanford students can relate to: her very first bike crash on campus. “As soon as I ran into [James], it was just like, we connected, you know? I was cruising down Lomita Mall and he was just turning out of the Quad. He really knocked me off my pedals when he hit me from behind… our spokes got all tangled and I bruised both my knees in the incident.” James Woods, her first crash, also shared his side of the story. “I’m really glad she was my first,” he asserted, smiling dreamily. “It really was destiny that brought us together; our bikes just have such a magnetic attraction. Our frames are very well suited for each other, and we even have the same taste in clip-on headlights.”

Other students have very different perspectives on their first crashes, but still regard the events as major life milestones. “I don’t really remember my first crash,” noted senior Graham Parks. “It was such a long time ago, and I was really drunk at the time. I was just starting to bike back to Wilbur from an SAE party when this girl flew out of nowhere and hit me. Like I said, the details are all really fuzzy, and I’m kind of embarrassed it happened in such a public place. I think U-locks were involved somehow, and a couple extra bikes from Synergy joined in at some point. I can’t tell you how glad I am I was wearing a helmet though, I don’t know what I would have done without protection.”

Freshman Morgan Peters added his experience, wistfully remarking that he hasn’t “been able to get in on the action” even though it’s been almost a month. “I’ve been going out at least once every weekend, and I always hit up all the major bike racks,” he remarked. “I don’t know what I’ve been doing wrong.” When questioned about future prospects, however, Peters seemed a bit more hopeful. “There’s this one little number who’s always parked outside my dorm, and sometimes I see her next to the Econ building on my way to CS106A. She’s a sleek black six-speed, and she has one of those rear bike baskets and this really great set of handlebars.”

“Maybe I’ll bump into her sometime.”

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…