Admissions Announces Record Yield

Following unusually warm temperatures throughout the month of April, the Admissions Office announced today that an unusually high number of caterpillars have accepted Stanford’s offers of admission, and will start attending classes while attached to students’ clothing this week.
Stanford extended offers of admission to nearly a million caterpillars, expecting only a small fraction of those to actually accept. Instead the yield was nearly 90%, almost ten times what the University had expected.

“We were overwhelmed with the positive response from the larval Lepidoptera community to our new pesticide-free dining program,” said Rick Shaw, Stanford’s Dean of Admissions. Shaw announced that a record number of caterpillars spurned offers of admission from peer institutions including Harvard, Princeton, and Evergreen State University.

Students didn’t seem too pleased with their new diminutive classmates. One student had this to say: “AAAAAAAA get it off me! Get it off me!”