Following unusually warm temperatures throughout the month of April, the Admissions Office announced today that an unusually high number of caterpillars have accepted Stanford’s offers of admission, and will start attending classes while attached to students’ clothing this week.
Stanford extended offers of admission to nearly a million caterpillars, expecting only a small fraction of those to actually accept. Instead the yield was nearly 90%, almost ten times what the University had expected.
“We were overwhelmed with the positive response from the larval Lepidoptera community to our new pesticide-free dining program,” said Rick Shaw, Stanford’s Dean of Admissions. Shaw announced that a record number of caterpillars spurned offers of admission from peer institutions including Harvard, Princeton, and Evergreen State University.

Students didn’t seem too pleased with their new diminutive classmates.
One student had this to say: “AAAAAAAA get it off me! Get it off me!”

You May Also Like

Hundreds of 5’6″, Apple-Scented Indian Men Come Under Scrutiny

Stanford’s large population of short-statured Indian men who smell of apples have…

Man Struggles with Diagnosis of Narcoleptic Sperm

Lorraine and John, a local couple trying to get pregnant, have recently…

Opinion: You’d Make a Great MILF

Hi.  I think we need to straighten something out.   I’m really…

Stanford Student Disappointed That Starving Child Fails to Grasp the Importance of Big Game

Cape Town, South Africa — Stanford student Douglas Hentsworth attempted to explain…