ARLINGTON, VA – Walter Greene Jr., a rising sophomore at home for summer vacation, was worried last Tuesday when his conservative father set down a fork at dinner and loudly declared “let’s talk politics!” In recent years, the phrase has indicated that the two were about to engage in an incurably vague debate over the core philosophies of liberalism and conservatism. However to their mutual surprise, Tuesday’s conversation took on a more agreeable tone.
The father and son found themselves agreeing for the first time since Greene Jr. switched his Facebook political status to “Independent” in the fall of his freshman year, this time over Donald Trump’s blatant disrespect toward veterans. “At first I was worried that I would have to unpack the Black Lives Matter movement or dig into the specifics of the Iran deal,” Greene Jr. reported, “but when my dad brought up Trump, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders!”
“It was so nice to see my boys getting along again,” said Walter’s mother, Linda Greene, “they both were so animated calling that Trump person mean names and making fun of his hairpiece.” Mrs. Greene held up a red-nailed index finger and took a sip of sparkling white wine before adding that she found their discussion of Trump’s “orange skin” and “thuggish accent” particularly “rowdy.”
Surprisingly enough, the agreement was not limited entirely to Trump and the mutual conclusion that he “is hot right now, but too much of a moron to sit in the Oval Office.” Greene Jr. and his father were also able to find common ground on Hillary Clinton, agreeing that there’s “just something about her.” Exactly what that something is, though, was left unexplored as of press time.