After blacking out for an entire day on January 18th, Wikipedia reportedly had a huge headache and felt like it couldn’t eat anything, even though it knew it really should have.

Wikipedia awoke on January 19th to find almost all its articles reduced to stubs, and nearly every citation missing. In addition, the online encyclopedia checked its wallet and discovered the “A Personal Appeal from Jimmy Wales” donations had been stolen.

“I didn’t even have that much to drink,” said Wikipedia as it popped about 7 Tylenol into its mouth to try to get rid of the dial-up sound that kept ringing in its head. “I remember talking to Reddit. See, I remember. I’m fine.”

After examining Wikipedia’s texts, analysts have concluded that it is really dangerous to binge-protest anti-piracy bills. One embarrassing text said, “fffffffuuuuuuuuuuu sopajkljjkhjk!! ; /,” but Wikipedia claimed that it was auto-correct. Observers agree that Wikipedia’s behavior was certainly not in accordance with community standards.

Jealous of all of Wikipedia’s attention, Google tried bragging that it had blacked out too. However, Facebook said that Google totally didn’t get any action, only had a couple drinks, and barely even browned out.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…