Just look at me. What more could you want from a dance floor hookup? These sweat stains under my armpits, and actually all over my body, are just because I’m a really good dancer. That slight beer breath that you smelled earlier is because I’m drunk enough to have a good time, but not so drunk that I’m going to forget this or anything. Unless you don’t want that. I can totally black out if that would make you more comfortable.

You don’t hook up a lot? I don’t wont to brag, but I’m a natural. I didn’t even have to use my free space to win Full Moon on the Quad bingo, and I almost hooked up with my Econ 1A TA freshman year. If things don’t work out also I’m really good at not making it awkward.

I took this one unit course in reading body language, so you won’t even have to pretend to use the bathroom. What? You were just on your way to the bathroom now? Well I’ll be here when you’re done, but I’d hurry because I’ll probably get with someone else if you take too long.

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