Earlier this week, Facebook began rolling out its newest round of updates. In an exclusive interview with the Flipside, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg revealed that the update offers “All sorts of new ways for people to connect with their friends.” According to Zuckerberg, the biggest feature of the New New New New Facebook is a Timeline which allows people to completely freak out about what information is on the internet about them.

Facebook users are predictably up in arms over the changes. Just as with the 2006 introduction of the News Feed and again with the 2008 rearrangement of the sidebar icons, groups like “1 million strong against the New New New New Facebook” are gaining steam. At last count, the largest of the groups had tens of members.

Michael himself would like to see a return to the Original New Facebook or the old New New Facebook, circa 2004 and 2005 respectively, though he recognizes that this is not a position which is shared by a majority of his group. “Most people just want to go back to the New New Facebook, but at least that’s a step in the right direction.”

Facebook officials were quietly pleased that only 100 million users absolutely hated the new changes, and hinted that much bigger changes were on the way. “We’ve got the users right where we want them,” said Zuckerberg. “Once we get users comfortable with the New New New New Facebook, we’ll be unveiling the New New New New New Facebook.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…