Everyone Gets Swine Flu Anyways, Full Moon Back On

Over the past few days, every student on campus has gotten the swine flu. This recent epidemic, which originated from three promiscuous freshmen in Roble, has caused Stanford to reconsider the Full Moon on the Quad event. Students argued that the school wide make-out session is no longer dangerous to campus health because everyone already has the flu. “It can’t get any worse,” explained Sophomore Class President, Marie Caligiuri, “We might as well have some fun while we’re sick.” It remains to be seen whether awkward kids will still have to suffer through FMLOTQ (Fuck My Life On The Quad).