Students Fight, Steal, and Kill for Dalai Lama Tickets

WHITE PLAZA—In the days leading up to the on campus talk by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, students across campus worked tirelessly to find tickets to the event, often resorting to extreme acts of violence.

“I really wanted to hear what he had to say about peace and compassion,” said Michael Thallows ’012, explaining why he “beat the shit” out of Robert Rojas in a cage fight. Thallows wasn’t the only student who went to extremes to see the Dalai Lama. Another student, Megan Staletto ’13, also had a hard time finding a ticket. “I actually killed a guy to get his ticket, but turns out he didn’t have one either.”

Greg Weinstein ‘011 said, “A few dozen tickets were sold through chatlists, but at a hundred dollars a pop, they were way too expensive. I ended up just buying mine from a scalper outside of Maples—he’s the same guy I use for my Giants tickets. And my crystal meth.”

While Thallows and Staletto needed to find tickets to the event, other students had a hard time protecting the tickets they had. In the days leading up to the Dalai Lama’s presentation, several tickets were stolen from three houses, all on the row. “I don’t really know how it happened. They ignored my iPod and my laptop, they went straight to my Dalai Lama ticket. I had lots of other valuable things lying around, but I guess all they wanted was some spiritual peace of mind,” said Erica Gavin ’011.