By Yanran Hu

After several weeks of writing a column, I have been called “self-righteous masculinist,” “playa,” “pimp,” “thoughtless man-whore” and “shallow,” to which I proudly plead guilty.

You’ve got me pinned; I’m your stereotypical guy who thinks of nothing more than sex (specifically every six seconds, that is), and I’m here to tell you that we’ve been persecuted for far too long.

People may claim this is the age of sexual liberation, where you can go around talking about blowjobs and orgies and bestiality all you want, but I am living proof that this is simply not true. I won’t even tell you what happened the last time I started talking about my forays into bestiality.

We men, when we go out, we are just trying to claim our god-given right to the blowjob. The only thing we ever think about is boobs and vaginas and boobs and asses and vaginas and boobs. Yes, women of the world, you’ve got us figured out. Boobs.

All we do is read ESPN magazine to find out about the latest sex positions and drink beer to find enlightenment on the best pick up lines. This is our life.

And if you are a man who goes out just to get a simple blowjob every night, only to come back with a hug, I challenge you. I dare you to say no to these Stanford girls who tease you. Traumatizing studies have come out recently, revealing that a majority of Stanford men have been involved in a life-altering tease. Many of these men have never recovered.

You may think, “This can’t happen to me,” “This is Stanford,” “I’m a nice guy” or other similar thoughts, but I assure you, these teasers walk amongst us. They may look like your average girl, but trust me, these women are vicious. So BE CAREFUL PLEASE!

To discuss your forays into bestiality, e-mail flipside@stanford.edu.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…