Post Tagged with: "Penis"

Dear Abby, My Dorm is Going to the Aquarium and I Really Want to Steal an Octopus but I’m Terrified of Coach Buses. What Do I Do? Sincerely, Tentacle Thief

February 11, 2019 7:00 pmComments Off on Dear Abby, My Dorm is Going to the Aquarium and I Really Want to Steal an Octopus but I’m Terrified of Coach Buses. What Do I Do? Sincerely, Tentacle Thief
Dear Abby, My Dorm is Going to the Aquarium and I Really Want to Steal an Octopus but I’m Terrified of Coach Buses. What Do I Do? Sincerely, Tentacle Thief

Dear Tentacle Thief, Look, it’s a whole wide world out there. And when you’re being constricted to a moving package of sardines, it looks all the bleaker. I know how you feel, Tentacle Thief—I really do. I know Monterey is beautiful. I mean, my mom went there once and she […]

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Ask a Chronic Masturbator’s Penis

October 6, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Ask a Chronic Masturbator’s Penis
Ask a Chronic Masturbator’s Penis

Dear CMP, Midterms are coming up this week, and I don’t know what to wear! Every time I go to my closet,  thinking I’ve picked out the perfect sweater-vest and satchel combo, I find another that I like more. Any outfit advice for me? Sincerely, Dressing in Durand Dear Dressing, […]

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Local Junior Richard Wood Realizes that Hoover Tower Reminds Him of a Penis

December 1, 2011 11:00 amComments Off on Local Junior Richard Wood Realizes that Hoover Tower Reminds Him of a Penis
Local Junior Richard Wood Realizes that Hoover Tower Reminds Him of a Penis

Last Thursday, Richard Wood, junior, looked up to see Hoover Tower on his long ride to Creative Writing. “The day was going as usual; I had just eaten lunch and was on my way to afternoon classes. And that’s when I had the sudden realization that Hoover Tower kinda looked […]

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The Midnight Fryer: The Blowjob Scenario Part VIII

May 23, 2010 2:25 pm0 comments
The Midnight Fryer: The Blowjob Scenario Part VIII

By Yanran Hu After several weeks of writing a column, I have been called “self-righteous masculinist,” “playa,” “pimp,” “thoughtless man-whore” and “shallow,” to which I proudly plead guilty. You’ve got me pinned; I’m your stereotypical guy who thinks of nothing more than sex (specifically every six seconds, that is), and […]

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