WASHINGTON, D.C.— Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke stood in front of the Senate this morning at 3:00 P.M. this afternoon, giving an enraged and impassioned speech on how daylight savings is the last thing the economy needs right now.
“Our economy is in a real rut,” he stated, “we need people to spend their capital in order to boost GDP and combat unemployment. Hours ago, millions of people around the country chose to save their daylight, rather than spend it. Thousands who continued to spend daylight are now losing their jobs, since they ended up being an hour late to work. Nocturnal businesses like Wendy’s Drive-thru lost an estimated seven billion dollars in the saved hour. This country’s terrifying economic choice will certainly have even more catastrophic consequences on our economy if we don’t act swiftly.”
Bernanke then continued to propose a second stimulus plan to offset the losses incurred from daylight savings. The plan will inject approximately $750 billion more dollars into the economy, going mostly towards local governments to persuade their citizens to spend their daylight. The government will also heavily subsidize the sun to produce more daylight, but some economists are opposed to the so-called “Sun-sidy” because they fear this move might cause inflation of daylight.