Following a memorable “Faces of Our Community” seminar during NSO, freshman RA’s are now bracing themselves for the traditional “Feces of Our Community” follow-up this Friday. The event, which typically occurs after around two weeks of acclimatization to dining hall food, is a traditional mass bowel movement that takes frosh dorms by storm every year.

“Both ‘Faces’ and ‘Feces’ are staple events for freshmen here at Stanford,” said President Marc Tessier-Levigne. “Nothing introduces new students to our culture and values quite like a vulnerable conversation during NSO, followed by steaming mounds of excrement getting spewed all over their lounges and computer clusters a few days later.”

Added Tessier-Levigne, “It’s important that the shitshow our freshman experience in their first few weeks is not just emotional but physical, too.”

Many freshman RA’s are already preparing for the event. “We’ve taped up the walls and ceilings, and installed Febreze fresheners in every dorm room, hallway, and bathroom — oh, and even the RF apartment!,” said Andy Queen, a Twain RA. Queen expects this year’s event to feature some of the most illuminating and refreshing “Feces” in recent history.

Tessier-Levigne also stressed the long-term impact of both events. “Seniors graduate from this university remembering the distinct backgrounds and stories of their classmates, as well as the shapes and smells of each other’s feces.”

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