In a recent study conducted by the Pew Research Center for the People and the Press, it was discovered that 85% of American high school teens were unable to identify their room on a map of their house.

After the publication of this study, many around the country have become worried about the current state of American geography skills.

“What was perhaps most interesting,” said head researcher Tory Lamb, “was that not only could most of these teenagers not find their room on a map of their house, but most of them would guess a different part of their house entirely. For example, over half of the students did not even choose the correct floor.”

“This suggests a severe deficiency in American map-reading skills, and the only way to correct this is through education,” says American Joe Karpas. “We need kids to bring in maps of their house to school so their teachers can help point out which room is theirs. Heck, when I was a kid, I didn’t even know what a map was, let alone have one!”

Americans such as Mr. Karpas and Dr. Lamb realize that the first step to becoming a global American is the ability to locate one’s room on a map of their house. “I imagine then you would move onto bigger things,” says Karpas. “You could then have them identify their state on a map of their state and the state next door.”

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