Stanford Drops Tiger Woods

STANFORD,CA – Stanford has announced that effective immediately, it will drop Tiger Woods from all of its advertisements.  In light of the car crash and the allegations it has brought about, Stanford has joined the ranks of Gillette, Accenture, and Gatorade in dropping Woods.  He will no longer be featured in publications designed to lure ambitious high school students to apply or in newsletters designed to suck money from alumni.

Additionally, Thomas Hennessy, president of the university, requested that Woods no longer wear any Stanford apparel.  For years, Stanford has bummed free advertising off the golf superstar, but in a statement made yesterday afternoon, President Hennessy explained, “We feel that Mr. Woods no longer portrays Stanford in a positive light.  Plus, it’s not like he even graduated.”

Stanford will continue to force Sigourney Weaver, the star of Avatar, to wear Stanford Apparel.