New Pro-Life Movement Champions Rights of the Undead

Justice For the Undead, a new advocacy group, is adding another angle to the controversial pro-life/pro-choice debate by demanding rights for those who have risen from the grave. “The undead are people too, and they want to be treated as such, regardless of their pale ashy skin color,” said JFU founder Patti Mabel. “I’m tired of the hypocrisy of those who defend the rights of the unborn fetus while ignoring those of the reanimated human corpse.”

Mabel suggests that the commonly used term ‘zombie’ is a base slur used to dehumanize the undead. “The Z-word has served an ugly historical function by legitimizing massacres of the undead with gunshots or sharp blows to the head.”

JFU is hoping to gain bipartisan support in Washington for a measure that will recognize the rights of the reanimated. “They want simple things, like you and me,” declared Mabel. “Things like the right not to be exposed to excessive light, the right not to be slaughtered by chainsaw or headshot while shambling down the street, and the right to partake in human flesh and brains.”