Figures of Authority Only Tried It Once, Didn’t Inhale.

May 24, 2009 11:13 pm
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Figures of Authority Only Tried It Once, Didn’t Inhale.

The public often raises uncomfortable questions about the past of important political figures. Owing to an acute sense of integrity, a number of leaders have no choice but to be candid about the minor transgressions of their youth. In fact, a small number of leaders have even admitted to trying marijuana. But unlike the general population, a remarkable 99% of political leaders who admit to trying marijuana were able to walk away after the first time. And they didn’t inhale.

Of the relatively few leaders who made the dangerous mistake of trying weed, how did so many right their moral compasses so quickly? First, they had to decide not to inhale (which begs the question of what exactly they were doing). Perhaps they lacked the necessary motor skills to properly smoke weed. This could have been a result of general clumsiness or of just being too shit-faced at the time. Alternatively, a heightened sense of moral fortitude could have allowed these individuals to refrain from inhalation without alienating their less noble comrades. After all, given the skill they demonstrate in leading our great nation, it seems like our leaders could have partaken successfully if they really wanted to.

After avoiding the perils of inhalation, these future leaders proved themselves once again. It’s almost as though they realized they had risked too much by trying marijuana once (and not inhaling). It only took one time for them to learn that smoking marijuana isn’t worth it—especially when you don’t inhale. These quick learners were thus able to steer clear of marijuana and embark on the virtuous path to public office. While we may not fully understand these virtuous freaks of nature, all I can say is that we’re fortunate to have such honest and upstanding leaders.

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