In an effort to clear up their less than stellar reputation, the Somali pirates issued a statement today making clear their intention to donate all goods and money gained from their pirating efforts towards very worthy cause: the Susan G. Breast Cancer Foundation.
“We like to think of ourselves as the Robin Hoods of the seas,” said one Somali pirate Abdi Farah Juha. “People think we just take the money for ourselves to buy more guns and do that sort of criminal behavior. But we pirate for the greater good.”
Breast cancer foundations all over the world are truly thankful for what the pirates have done for them. “Without the Somali pirates, I don’t know where we’d be,” said Nancy Goodman Brinker, founder of Susan G. Komen For a Cure. “They just keep giving and giving.”
“It was hard for us to decide where to donate the abducted ships and goods stolen,” said a pirate. “There are just so many good causes.”
The Somali pirates all plan to participate in a breast cancer walk next year, and will be sure to sport the pink ribbon on their shirts and AK-47s.