A collaboration between beverage giant PepsiCo and erectile dysfunction upstart Cialis has finally born fruit in the form of Pepsialis. “With Pepsialis, the goal is to quench your thirst with that refreshing Pepsi taste, while simultaneously promoting blood flow to the penile region,” declared Pepsi spokeswoman Anna Tirico. A multimedia marketing campaign is set to debut next week featuring the slogan ‘PEPSIALIS: FINALLY, A BEVERAGE YOU CAN GET EXCITED ABOUT.’
The remarkable new product has generated as much buzz as the iPhone- at least among certain demographics. “I can’t believe it. It’s like my prayers have been answered,” said Michael Carlin, a thirsty, middle-aged man who can’t get it up. “Mine too,” added Carlin’s wife Anita. Both plan to camp in front of the nearest Walgreen’s in anticipation of next Tuesday’s release. However, there have been fears that Pepsialis will get customers too excited. “Pepsialis has undergone rigorous clinical testing, but we would advise first-time customers to drink it judiciously until they understand how their body responds. Avoid drinking it before presentations, funerals, ballroom dancing classes, or preschool graduations,” added Tirico.
Coca-Cola has vowed not to let rival Pepsi corner the hard-on inducing soft drink market. A product developer who wished to remain anonymous confirmed that Coca-Cola is looking to partner with Viagra, but negotiations are proceeding slowly. “In case the Viagra deal falls through, we’re working on the first ever contraceptive beverage. Forget about Coke Zero. Get ready for Coke-RU-486!”