Post Tagged with: "freshman"

Freshman Without Friends Or Legitimate Reasons To Be Happy Reports He’s “Doing Fine” In Phone Call To Parents

October 2, 2017 5:00 pmComments Off on Freshman Without Friends Or Legitimate Reasons To Be Happy Reports He’s “Doing Fine” In Phone Call To Parents
Freshman Without Friends Or Legitimate Reasons To Be Happy Reports He’s “Doing Fine” In Phone Call To Parents

While freshman Bobby Taylor may be struggling to make friends besides his dorm’s resident pianist, sources confirmed yesterday that Taylor’s parents have been receiving a very different story in his weekly phone calls home. Exaggerating the quality of his social interactions and downplaying moments of intense self-doubt and loneliness, Taylor […]

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How To Combat The Freshman Plague

October 25, 2016 9:00 amComments Off on How To Combat The Freshman Plague
How To Combat The Freshman Plague

1. Get leeches from Vaden: Now that the death count has passed 200, Vaden is handing out free leeches to all students. Make sure to practice regular bloodletting to avoid contracting the plague. If your roommate has the plague, do them a favor and get them some leeches too. 2. […]

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Freshman “Not Actually All That Special” Says Grandmother After Campus Visit

October 12, 2016 9:00 amComments Off on Freshman “Not Actually All That Special” Says Grandmother After Campus Visit
Freshman “Not Actually All That Special” Says Grandmother After Campus Visit

Many students find it difficult to transition from high school into Stanford, but one member of the class of 2020 has had a particularly difficult time. Growing up, Michael Kaplan was constantly reminded by his grandmother that he was loved and cherished. In all of his endeavors, Michael’s grandmother was […]

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Quote of the Week 9/19/16

September 22, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Quote of the Week 9/19/16
Quote of the Week 9/19/16

“…I think there will be party favors” –Freshman, calling parents

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Cocky Freshman in Blazer Thinks He Has Date Tonight

February 1, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Cocky Freshman in Blazer Thinks He Has Date Tonight
Cocky Freshman in Blazer Thinks He Has Date Tonight

STANFORD – Earlier this week, Joshua Stevens, a freshman in Donner, donned his gaudiest blazer and bought a bouquet for a date that he believed that he was going to go on later that night. As he stood in the checkout counter at Safeway, Stevens fiddled for the crumpled twenty […]

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Freshman’s Christmas Entirely Makes Up For Failing All His Classes

January 5, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Freshman’s Christmas Entirely Makes Up For Failing All His Classes
Freshman’s Christmas Entirely Makes Up For Failing All His Classes

GRESHAM, OR – For Stanford freshman James Davis, the three week Christmas break was a godsend, enabling him to relax and recharge after a fulfilling and enriching quarter at Stanford and allowing him to spend some well-earned quality time with his loving family. Davis, who absolutely did not spend hours […]

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Freshman Feels AP Calc Inadequately Prepared Him for Post-Coital Chatting

October 13, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Freshman Feels AP Calc Inadequately Prepared Him for Post-Coital Chatting
Freshman Feels AP Calc Inadequately Prepared Him for Post-Coital Chatting
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Freshman Struggles with Feelings of Inadequacy, U-Lock

September 29, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Freshman Struggles with Feelings of Inadequacy, U-Lock
Freshman Struggles with Feelings of Inadequacy, U-Lock
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Incoming Freshmen Dreams of Becoming Consultant

May 12, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Incoming Freshmen Dreams of Becoming Consultant
Incoming Freshmen Dreams of Becoming Consultant
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New ASSU Senators Pledge to Address Widening Gap Between Lower and Upper Classmen

April 14, 2014 12:01 pmComments Off on New ASSU Senators Pledge to Address Widening Gap Between Lower and Upper Classmen
New ASSU Senators Pledge to Address Widening Gap Between Lower and Upper Classmen

As one of their first official duties in office, Stanford’s newly-minted ASSU Senators have pledged to devote their time and attention to address the issues surrounding the widening gap between the upper and lower classmen on campus. “We see upperclassmen increasingly distancing themselves from the pack in terms of accessibility […]

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