Alert: Alert System is Down, Beware of Future Emergencies

January 27, 2010 6:11 pm
Alert: Alert System is Down, Beware of Future Emergencies
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Seeking Aid, Detroit Considers Artificial Earthquake

January 26, 2010 2:06 am
Seeking Aid, Detroit Considers Artificial Earthquake

With the Michigan city facing the prospect of becoming a ghost town, city lawmakers hatched an enterprising plan to restore it to prosperity: Purposefully destroying it with a man-made, 7.5 “mega-quake.” “We hope that the inevitable influx of aid and sympathy for our beleaguered city will be enough to restore […]

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China Censors Mass Media; Public Outraged Okay With It

2:03 am
China Censors Mass Media; Public Outraged Okay With It

In a recent move that has drawn widespread criticism cheer, China has increased internet restrictions to protect its people. In past years, China has ramped up restrictions on electronic information to the detriment of its internet-hungry treasonous citizens. Entire cities Dangerous urban areas have even been cut off rescued from […]

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Brangelina to Adopt all Haitian Children

1:55 am
Brangelina to Adopt all Haitian Children

After donating one million dollars to Haiti relief efforts yesterday, Hollywood superstars Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are reportedly set to adopt all the children in Haiti. 

When asked if they were ready to take care of an additional two million children, Jolie—who already has six children—responded, “Well, we always […]

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Rain: Revolutionizing Awkward Small Talk Between Stanford Students

1:53 am
Rain: Revolutionizing Awkward Small Talk Between Stanford Students
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Sketch Artist Duel Ends in a Draw

1:50 am
Sketch Artist Duel Ends in a Draw
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