Local
ASSU Senator Pledges To Reduce Sexual Assault on Campus–Will Stop Sexually Assaulting Women
Throughout his campaign, ASSU Senator Greg Bernardi pledged that he would devote his complete efforts towards tackling sexual assault on campus. As a first step towards achieving this goal, Bernardi announced...
April 20th, 2009
Handwashing Directions Clarify Handwashing For Local Employee
Local Overachiever to Go Work at McKinsie and Co.
Novice Skateboarder Falls Down Awkwardly
The skateboarding conditions have been reportedly sub-par over the passed week or so due to the occasional rainstorm, which leave the pavement around campus slippery and filled with piled up debris (twigs...
February 26th, 2009
Asshole Student Hates Everyone, Blames It On The Weather
This past Monday, a rather unfortunate smattering of events occurred circling around one undergraduate student, Morris Jones. Morris who typically awakes to 106.6 The Goat, instead arose to high pitch...
February 22nd, 2009
HE FINALLY DID IT! : Local Man Sets New Personal High Score In Minesweeper
By Stanley Waters
After spending what seemed like countless hours in front of his computer, local man Benjamin Alder managed to accomplish what many people thought was impossible. Last Thursday, at 2:33...
February 16th, 2009
Dog Found Mimicking Owner: Walks On Two Legs, Uses Toilet, Acts Like a Huge Bitch
Local Man Angrily Sends Windows Error Report
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January 13th, 2009
Atomic Clock Threatens Mans Innate Sense Of Time
Area Man Hit In The Eye By Incoming Text Message
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December 29th, 2008


