National Theta Chi Fraternity: “Human Centipede Is For Pledges ONLY”

April 4, 2016 12:00 pm
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National Theta Chi Fraternity: “Human Centipede Is For Pledges ONLY”

Following news that they will be suing Stanford University, the national fraternity Theta Chi released a statement today that claims “Residents of Stanford’s Chi Theta Chi acted in a way that is reserved for our Theta Chi pledges.” According to Theta Chi spokesperson Cam Nelson, “Chi Theta Chi stole all of our favorite hazing techniques and added consent. That’s called copyright infringement.”

The statement lists activities such as the human centipede, farting on faces, and circle jerks as being direct replicas of what their pledges go through. “I honestly think that it’s appalling that a university as prestigious as Stanford would allow Chi Theta Chi to host an event as degrading and morally outrageous as Anal Flora. Circle jerks are for pledges, not co-op hippies!” said Nelson.

While members of Chi Theta Chi are obviously frustrated, some students around campus have supported Nelson’s remarks. “I don’t like the whole ‘Keep Stanford Weird’ thing. Some people at this school feel like they always need to be naked or having an orgy or something,” said Alpha Nu member Duke Harvey, who was nice enough to be interviewed in the middle of paddling a pledge wearing a horse mask.