Hey Stanford babies. Can’t figure out why you were still single on Valentine’s Day? Read this list of doozie deal breakers below.

Sweatpants

Unless you’re a Stanford athlete (Go Card!) or doing a workout, sweatpants are a no-no! Let us put it in simple terms: if you wear sweatpants you are undateable. If every single person who has ever worn sweatpants in public were to disappear without a trace, the world would be the better for it. Buy some cute jeans!

Drama

Stanford babies, this one is easy; just be cool! Does trouble seem to follow you everywhere you go? Baby you’re not the honey, you’re the bee. If every person who ever started drama were to, I don’t know, disappear without a trace, the world would be the better for it.

Bad Sense of Humor

Ha-ha, ha-ha. Hear that? That’s the sweet sound of laughter. If you’re always cracking jokes and you never hear that sound you might have a bad sense of humor. Jokes about sex, farts, and violence may seem like a good idea, but they’re not. Trust us: your jokes are dumb and you’re going to die alone (soon) unless you cut it out! Rip out your own tongue and disappear. Without a trace. The world will be better.

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