Movie Review: I Thought Avengers: Endgame Was Just Okay Because of the Part Where Tony Stark Shitted Out the Infinity Stones

April 30, 2019 7:00 pm
Movie Review: I Thought Avengers: Endgame Was Just Okay Because of the Part Where Tony Stark Shitted Out the Infinity Stones

I was as excited as the next person to watch the twenty-second film in the Marvel Cinematic Multiverse, and I even coded a hacking algorithm so that I could be sure to secure one of the Cardinal Nights tickets and risk expulsion for this dumb movie. Still, I have to […]

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So Cool! MTL Dabbed After Signing an Arms Deal With the Saudi Military, and It Is #GivingUsLife

7:00 pm
So Cool! MTL Dabbed After Signing an Arms Deal With the Saudi Military, and It Is #GivingUsLife

Okay, look — we all already know Marc “Daddy” Tessier “Daddy” Lavigne is the all-time coolest president of an elite private research university, but now it’s for goddam sure: MTL just did a celebratory dab after negotiating a successful arms deal with Saudi Arabia’s military, and it is #giving #us […]

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Op-Ed: In Only Ten Weeks, Duolingo Made Me Proficient In Slurs

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Op-Ed: In Only Ten Weeks, Duolingo Made Me Proficient In Slurs

I was initially skeptical about practicing my language skills with Duolingo. People kept saying stuff like “Just give it a shot,” or “Come on, it’s free!,” or “All my older, whiter coworkers finally understand what I’m trying to say” — but I wasn’t so sure I believed the hype. Finally, […]

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University Announces Plans to Build Massive, Useless Metal Structure Directly Outside Your Window

April 23, 2019 7:00 pm
University Announces Plans to Build Massive, Useless Metal Structure Directly Outside Your Window

As the recently-announced ResX task force’s plans for campus development continue to make waves, one sub-provision in the hundred-plus-page report has gone largely unremarked upon: the University’s plans to build an enormous, purposeless metal structure directly outside your dorm room window. “The space right outside your window, separated from your […]

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An Inside Look at Stanford in the Year 2100

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An Inside Look at Stanford in the Year 2100

In the wake of the esteemed Susie Brubaker Cole’s report describing the neighborhood housing program to be implemented over the next century, we thought to consult our resident prophets and oracles to provide our beloved readers at a glimpse for what the Stanford campus that we call home might look […]

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‘Game of Thrones’ In Shambles After Joe Biden Cameo Cut At Last Minute

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‘Game of Thrones’ In Shambles After Joe Biden Cameo Cut At Last Minute

Eager fans were shocked on Sunday to discover that the usually top-notch HBO fantasy show Game of Thrones had dropped sharply in quality for its eighth and final season. In an exclusive interview with the Flipside, showrunner David Nutter explained that this was the result of major cuts to a […]

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Theresa May Only One Surprised by EU Release of Kraken into English Channel

April 22, 2019 11:55 am
Theresa May Only One Surprised by EU Release of Kraken into English Channel

In a totally foreseeable move this past Tuesday, the European Union (EU) enacted Military Operation 17C, nicknamed “The Tentacled Menace,” in response to the UK’s inability to come to terms on the withdrawal agreement. Publicly regarded as the EU’s strongest military weapon, the “Tentacled Menace” is none other than the […]

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I’m Retiring from the Thomas the Tank Engine Fandom

April 17, 2019 2:48 pm
I’m Retiring from the Thomas the Tank Engine Fandom

I’m sick of it all. I quit. I came here out of admiration, appreciation. The first time I laid eyes on Thomas the Tank Engine—that perfect azure coat, the gentle curve of the wheels, the soft yet piercing smile on that round, round face—I knew he was perfect. And things […]

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Op-Ed: Today I Was Arrested at Tresidder For Throwing My Trash in the Wrong Bin

April 16, 2019 7:00 pm
Op-Ed: Today I Was Arrested at Tresidder For Throwing My Trash in the Wrong Bin

Look, I get it, but when the cops accost you two seconds after throwing away your Aquafina — it’s always Aquafina! — in the compost instead of whichever one it’s actually supposed to go in, you realize something about man’s vision of heaven. And lemme tell you: it ain’t pretty. […]

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A Royal Decree from DavidMan to the Stanford Community

7:00 pm
A Royal Decree from DavidMan to the Stanford Community

To Our Loyal Constituents  Serfs, We, the DavidMan, have deigned to take valuable time out of our day to address the peasantry; so hear our words, and take heed. It has come to our attention that we completely and utterly dominated the recent ASSU election in a landslide vote — the […]

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