Friend That Parents Remember Isn’t Actually Close Friend

“How’s Chloe?” Janice McDermott asked her daughter, Amika McDermott (’16), over the…

Water-Filled Coffee Thermos Way Too Qualified For This Shit

Realizing the whole of its temperature-maintaining design ethos was being ignored so…

Santana’s “Smooth” Blankets Area CVS In Cloud Of Sinful Lust

Beaming sinfully in over the sultry airwaves of 90.7 FM, Carlos Santana…

Ask The ‘Landfill’ Label On The Non-Recycling Garbage Can

Q: Hi ‘Landfill’! I’ve been crushing on a girl on my floor…

Dating Prodigy to Forgo Senior Year, Join The League a Year Early

Dating dynamo Dan Williams announced Sunday that he will skip his last…

Guy Holding “Helen Keller” in Cards Against Humanity About to Really Get This Party Going

As if attendees of Kamiya Stewart’s housewarming party in Suites weren’t already…

Democrats Deemed Just as Doomed and Hopeless as 2015 GOP

Noting their loss of the White House, their crumbling state-level infrastructure, and…

Surgeon General Issues Battle Orders to Surgeon Lieutenants

Riding into battle on a surgical cart adorned with the emblems of…