WASHINGTON—President Barack Obama formally kicked off his re-election campaign Monday with a list of campaign promises and a call for Obama girl to make another song. Among Obama’s campaign announcements for 2012 was a promise to close down the detention camp at Guantanamo Bay one more time.

Hailing the success of his first presidential term, a spokesperson from the Obama administration commented that, “The President’s first term has been immensely productive. Even within the first few days he was able to make progress by promising to shutdown Guantanamo. That’s exactly why we want to promise to close it again.” Some skeptics question the logic behind having to close the detention facility more than once.

President Obama furthermore promises to correct the mistakes of the previous administration. “The previous president got us into an unpopular conflict with a Middle Eastern nation, and I vow to bring our soldiers home if I win the election,” he stated.

You May Also Like

Major Plan Narrowly Survives Third Round of Parental Questioning

Though it seemed that her parents’ puzzled nodding might spill over into…

Supreme Court Mulls Constitutional Right to Shout “Fire” in an Empty Theater

In a decision expected to be handed down Thursday, the Supreme Court…

Historic Presidential Firsts

Barack Obama, president-elect of the United States, released on Sunday his schedule…

No One Shows Up to Rally for Laid-Off Hospital Workers

Recently laid-off hospital workers reached out to the student body for support…