Warning: Pretentious student spotted near the Coffee House. The student was last seen wearing taupe Desert Boots, skinny jeans and a scarf. He may or may not have been wearing a blue or possibly black United Colors of Benetton sweater. Exercise extreme caution! The Stanford Sheriff’s Department considers this student to be well read and extremely pretentious. He has already tried to engage three students in a debate over the relative merits of truth and artistry in Nietzschean philosophy. All three students are in stable condition, although one of the students, who claimed that Nietzsche had no respect for truth, was severely burned by a Parliament Light. If you see this pretentious student, DO NOT approach him. Dial 911 and run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.
You May Also Like
University Announces Plans to Build Massive, Useless Metal Structure Directly Outside Your Window
As the recently-announced ResX task force’s plans for campus development continue to…
- Byron Calabasas
- April 23, 2019
COVID Ruined Trick or Treating and Now I Don’t Know What to Do with All These Razor Blades
- Flipside Staff
- February 26, 2021
Dear Abby, My Roommate Built a Guillotine and I’m Worried He’s Going to Execute Me
Dear Abby, Abby, you sexy omniscient bitch, I’m worried. My roommate hasn’t…
- Gracie Newman
- May 7, 2019
Kim Jong Un in Recovery
Recent reports indicate that Kim Jong Un, leader of North Korea, portly…
- Dylan Fugel
- October 23, 2014