WASHINGTON D.C.—Individuals and advocacy groups from across the United States have organized into a single campaign demanding more bad news coverage in the media. “The world just isn’t depressing enough,” said organizer Sally Donahue when interviewed, “Every day we keep seeing good thing after good thing in the newspapers, on television and across our news feeds. When will it end? If all we do is concentrate on the positive events, people will get complacent and might even live their lives unencumbered by the combined weight of human suffering across the globe.”
“There’s so many terrible things that we are not hearing enough about!” said Mark Lee, head of the Badness is Good nonprofit organization. “Gruesome details of terror attacks in Europe and the Middle East could certainly be talked about more, and let’s not forget the brand new Zika virus, which I hear can now spread by shaking hands with people who have different opinions than you.”
Political researchers have echoed similar sentiments, saying that nine out of ten Americans need more negativity in their lives. The increase in fear and learned pessimism will ensure that they solely vote for presidential candidates that talk about the severity of the country’s problems without positing constructive solutions.
“Instead of focusing on the little choices we make everyday that make the world a better place to live in, we should be dwelling on society’s many and varying flaws!” concluded Lee. “More fear, I say! More statistics about how we are slowly poisoning ourselves, no matter what we choose to eat. It’s time we wake up to everything that makes this planet an awful place, because it’s only going to get worse!”
