Shockwaves ripped through the Frosh dork community after receiving a barrage of strongly-worded letters of rejection. The collective Stanford a capella groups have just recently announced a bold new initiative to “stop being so fucking nice all the time.”
“Fleet Street somehow managed to spit on my face through an email,” a disgruntled, broken-spirited, and, according to the group’s top-secret notes, dogshit-at-singing freshman explained, “I didn’t even know that was possible.” When asked for comment, a Fleet Street representative attacked and maimed our reporter using nothing but a ballpoint pen and deadly accuracy on his carotid artery.
A Flipside investigator, who reportedly “just tried out to write this article” leaked The Medicant’s new rejection email:
Dear Tone-Deaf Idiot Frosh,
We hope the start of the quarter has just fucking sucked, but not as much as your “singing”; we wouldn’t wish that on anyone but clearly you wished it on us. After a very short and easy process we are so happy to say you are NOT getting a callback. If we see you in person, we’re beating you up.. The next song we’re learning is specifically about how much we want you to rip out your vocal cords.
Coldly,
The Mendicants
These mean-spirited rejection emails appear to be the start of a new trend, as, according to an insider source, various a capella groups around campuses seem to be considering “roll-ins” for people who did not make the cut where, instead of knocking on your door enthusiastically in the morning, they guard your door at night and make you unable to enter your room by threat of death.
