Modern film scholars have been up in arms about the rise of 22 Jump Street discourse on social media platforms after Kanye ‘Ye’ West announced that Jonah Hill’s (my little cherubic prairie dog) performance as a lovable, vaguely (suggestively, ambitiously, inchoately) jewish buffoon of a police officer made him no longer anti-semitic. As a result of elevated forms of discussion around a goofy, buddy-cop satire, the Criterion Channel has deemed it a classic, much to the chagrin of everyone who’s not a regular schmuck.

One film scholar on Twitter going by the name of ScorceseOrDie went on a diatribe that received much traction and scrutiny, stating very obliquely that he “Wished to see the shot off dick much more clearly for the sake of realism and the sanctity of the film industry,” before bashing the film industry’s whole avoidance of genitalia. Surprisingly, a retweet from Elon Musk ended up in a promise to include ScorceseOrDie on his Mars colony.

The Criterion Channel has expressed no remorse about their discussion to add it to their Classics Channel, squeezed right between a Fellini and a Bergman. Ye, on the other hand, took to cyberspace with a fifteen second clip of him very seriously laying down the law, stating (in no uncertain terms) how he thinks that Jonah Hill is, “Probably, no seriously, I’m very serious about this…Probably very good at cunnilingus. Have you seen him?”

Jonah Hill, probably somewhere in his Hollywood Home, has (quite obviously) turned down giving a statement to the Stanford Flipside saying, “Who the fuck are you guys?” Becoming a pariah for all jews has certainly worked up my little snookums into a tizzy. It’s okay, though, you made it to the criterion classics channel, and it didn’t even take a defcon 4.

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