The first time I locked myself out of my room, I asked ResEd to let me back in. No problem. The first time’s free. However, I refused to give them $25 for the second let-in. That’s a whole half of a dining hall meal! However, for reasons that were presumably once clear to me, I had memorized the short walk from East Campus all the way to MTL’s house. You can tell which one is his from all the gnomes out front. 

 Once I got there, I expected a warm welcome, but it turns out that all the spare suites were occupied by the football team. MTL told me to wait outside while my special circumstances application was processed. As I waited in his marble-statue-filled-garden (including an incredibly detailed nude bust of Tiger Woods), I got well-acquainted with Vice Provost Susie Brubaker-Cole’s dog, Riva. As I pet her, she cocked her little up towards me and smiled. “Stanford doesn’t care about you,” she told me. 

In the end, I was allowed to make myself a little nest in one of MTL’s claw-footed bathtubs under the condition that I not allow my night terrors to disturb the slumbering athletes. I wouldn’t say it was a luxurious experience, especially compared to the glistening grandeur of Arroyo, but I would give it a solid 3/5. 

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