The Stanford English Department has announced that, for the eighth straight decade, John Ernest Steinbeck Jr. has won the less-than-competitive fiction prize awarded to a marginally literate undergraduate every year. “We were really struck by his submission ‘The Vigilante,’” said one judge. “His nuanced and thoughtful treatment of themes such as racial violence, disability, and women continues to impress.” The judge also noted that Steinbeck had a lot of potential to be a great writer someday, if he could just manage to graduate. Steinbeck did not return repeated requests for comment.

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