Every class I’m in, there always seems to be someone at hand to advocate for the will of Satan. And quite frankly? I’ve had enough of the imbalance. If everyone else is going to keep playing Devil’s Advocate, then it’s high time I play God’s.

The Lord has a place in every academic discussion. Go ahead — think of even one scientific paper that wouldn’t be improved by a footnote about how men shouldn’t sit where menstruating women already have (Leviticus 15:19-21). Or a single philosophical debate that couldn’t be made a little better by someone emphasizing the importance of not boiling a baby goat in its mother’s milk (Exodus 23:19). Or a study group that wouldn’t learn that much more if, real quick, for the sake of the class, someone was on hand to note that if you are a man fighting another man, and his wife touches your genitals, you have to cut off her hand (Deuteronomy 25:11-12).

That’s me. That’s who I am. I’m God’s Advocate.

Look — Lucifer seems to be doing fine, alright? Whether it’s that heterosexual Caucasian male sitting in the front of your Philosophy class, or that heterosexual Caucasian male sitting in the front of your Religious Studies lecture, or even that heterosexual Caucasian male sitting in the front of your American Men in American Men’s Literature seminar, we’ve all heard plenty from the Devil’s Advocates. Well, I’m here to say: enough! For ONCE, I’m going to play God’s Advocate. Because He deserves it.

Honestly, I just consider it to be doing my part. In fact, I don’t know why everyone doesn’t do it! It’s so helpful, so easy, and I’ve never gotten a single complaint! Actually, I usually don’t really hear anything after I speak in class; everyone is always just so contemplative, they have nothing left to add. And my professors always, always ask me to stay after class to talk further. But I guess that’s just what’s so rewarding about being God’s Advocate.

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