A wave of relief swept over Democratic leaders in Washington this past weekend when they found out that Tuesday’s midterms would be graded on a curve.
After election results were returned last Tuesday, revealing that Democrats had lost control of the House and lost ground in the Senate, many Democratic politicians responded by burying their head in their pillows and crying “I totally fucked up on that Midterm.” Some even went as far as to draw sad faces on the whiteboards attached to their door.
The good news, however, came this past weekend from that random guy down the hall. He confirmed the rumors that the professor posted an announcement on Coursework that the midterm would be “curved heavily.” This went unnoticed for so long because Democrats, like most people, can’t figure out Coursework.
Democrats on Capital Hill are rejoicing in light of this positive news, though none have bothered to erase the sad faces on their whiteboards, knowing full well that its only a matter of time before someone erases it for them and replaces it with a giant penis.