CINCINATTI, OH — Enveloping your hand in hers across the dinner table, area mom wants you to know that you don’t have to worry about her – she would truly take delight in watching you cry about the state of your depressing life. “Honey, it’s okay. You don’t have to put on a happy face for me,” she explained. “I can handle your tears; I can handle you at your lowest. In fact, I love it. It’s exciting and fun.”

It’s not her kindness and selflessness that keeps her motivated to listen to you; it’s her personal desire to watch you cry. “Maternal instincts are definitely secondary or tertiary things for me, all things considered,” area mom went on to say. “Just the thrill of seeing my offspring so sad makes my day.”

Vulnerability is a difficult thing, area mom insists. And that’s why she wants you to know that you should feel totally comfortable coming to her when you’re sad. “If what’s holding you back from being vulnerable right now is being afraid of making me uncomfortable, then you actually have nothing holding you back,” she explained. “I’m most comfortable swimming in a river of your fresh tears.”

So don’t worry, you can bare your soul to her right now over this spinach casserole, in front of everyone.

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