Wow! CERN Just Announced Their Newest Particle, and It’s Latino

March 13, 2017 12:00 pm
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Wow! CERN Just Announced Their Newest Particle, and It’s Latino

Science alert! CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, just announced their newest particle. And good news, folks – it’s Latino!

“This is the first particle we’ve announced that’s ethnically of latin origins”, announced Director-General Fabiola Gianotti in a weekly press briefing. “So far none of the atomic and subatomic materials we’ve known about have been from the Caribbean or South and Central America, so we’re happy to take this momentous step forwards for representation in particle physics.”

Amazing! The future truly is now, everyone.

“I’m happy to say that when little Hispanic boys and girls look in their physics textbooks these days, they’ll see something a little more like them”, Director Gianotti continued. “Maybe this will inspire some to even have quantum fields of their own one day.”

What a win for science! This sort of step forwards would have been unthinkable even ten years ago, but nowadays a Latino addition to the Standard Model is no big deal for the mavericks over at CERN!

“I can’t wait to pop some of these bad boys into our particle accelerator”, commented senior technical engineer Dr. Gregor Sassella. “I’ve studied a lot of infinitesimally small bits of matter over my career, but this will be the first time speeding up a Latino particle to velocities only slightly below the speed of light.”

“This truly is a day that will go down in the history books” predicted Dr. Sassella before rushing off to the Large Hadron Collider to see what happens when two of these ethnically-diverse particles are slammed into each other with over a dozen teraelectronvolts of energy.

What a truly incredible step forwards. If you told your ancestors that one day there would be a sub-microscopic particulate of matter with Latin American heritage, there’s no way they’d believe you. But look at us now! It’s truly awe-inspiring that mankind has come so far. Move over protons and neutrons, there’s a new sheriff in town. And it’s name is Latino Particle!